We're compiling our annual report for 2008, which will feature lots of lovely pie charts, so are asking for requests for statistical information our fans, or indeed fan, would find interesting. For example, anyone interested to know how much Neil spent on musical equipment in 2008? Or who wasted the most time on Friday nights performing unnecessary bass-driven remixes, late into the night. Let us know, and voila! The pie chart will be made. Unless of course a scatter plot or a bar chart would be more instructive.

Our regular fans (hi amber!) may have noticed that we've recently branched out into never musical avenues, while still maintaining our absolute committment to sabotaging our songs with hooky lyrics, filthy innuendoes, weird ideas, or simply lyrics that are non-sensical.

So although our sound is increasingly becoming more polished, our songs are become more depraved and generally unpleasant. We also seem to pushing out the boundaries of what's acceptable a song - we've very quickly turned into a band keen to shout out its sexual prowess in the most graphic way possible. One of our latest song contained graphic descriptions of the sexual practices our morbidly obese 50 stone singer Fat Alvin.

So we ask - perhaps our regular fans could let us know if they think we've crossed the boundary separating good taste from bad, and if we're not there yet, perhaps you could let us know when we do?
 

Our latest track "Beauty of the Sands" is a bit of a new departure for us.

When Astrid agreed to come round and sing it for us she immediately identified a problem - our words were rubbish, she opined and wanted a rewrite. So we immediately set to - but what to write? So taking a bold step  we abandoned our usual policy of writing about the ageing proess, japanese cars, poking fun at each other and generally bragging. Breaking out a clean, new, white sheet of paper, we tried to imagine what she might like to sing about?

Man! That was hard work. Eventually after an all night brainstorming session we came upon the idea of (don't laugh!) a desert romance, love amongst the sands, and passion against the desert stars. Grudgingly Astrid proclaimed the words "not bad" and the finished track is now up.

But the qustion is - will this bold new direction mark a new beginning for us lyrically, or will we quickly slide back to writing words about drinking, overeating and our bedroom prowess? Watch this space.
 

Well, its been a busy few weeks.  And we seem to be accelerating as 2008  gets into its stride. 28 new songs so far, and that includes  a few weekends  where garden and  shopping related chores wrenched us from our red hot crucible of creativity.

That's why we've posted a couple of legendary live performances of some  of our classics for our hard-core fans.  And in keeping with Neil's normal philosophy of NEVER going back to  tracks once they're finished, we don't know how log they'll be up there. Catch them while theyre hot!

Approved bootlegs of Midlife Crisis and Boscombe Bass now up - we have copies of a Live "Into The Hive" recorded at Wilsonbury 2008 that we'll post later. Let us know what you'd like us to play next time and we'll oblige. I've heard that there's a good bootleg of Jupiter Venus and Mars knocking around, so I'll try and track it down and post it on the juke.

I pointed out to Neil that there are few musical genres we havn't recently attempted, so he suggested for we try something a little more urban and contemporary. But can middle-aged guys rap? Of course they can.  But isn't that going to just end up embarrasing and sad, someone asked. You tell us - the demo is now up, waiting for Neil to add a chorus of baggy and low-slung trousered homies and some bragging.

Some might say that a rap about Delia Smith isn't that, you know, urban, but we disagree. And if you don't like it then we'll pop a cap in your casserole pot, so to speak.

Neil is not that handy around the kitchen , I spent a year sharing a house with him and I think he only ate cheese and tomato toasted sandwiches during that period. So I'm now asking for everyone of our fans to send in a 99p donation to me here, at the usual address so we can get him Book 1 of the How to Cook series, by the patron saint of elementary cookery (and also hangin in the hood), Delia.

Yo!

With interest running high since we posted our recent cover of Sohep's classic "So Much Fun" from 1981, we have coaxed original singer, Rob Kitson, out of retirement to record our special 25th anniversary tribute version.

Despite some initial nervousness, eventually the strong coffee kicked in, and he stepped up for a one take masterpiece, and still had the energy to sing a version of "That's What Happens", neatly finishing a musical cycle that spans 27 years.

What next? Can we coax Richard "Axe" Asquith out of retirement, perhaps?

 

While out delivering the latest Parish magazine, I'm often stopped by local residents and asked what it's like composing music 'at a distance' from my musical partner. Usually they can be fobbed off with a quick "You know, we just manage" but some of the more elderly/cantankerous members of the village are not so easily put off ! They can get quite upset and even half jokingly threaten to set their Scottie dog on me ! So this blog is really for them.

A new purchase of a brand new Fender strat using money stolen from the kids lunch money combined with the giving of a spectacularly dismal set of presents this Xmas inspired the track "Stratocaster I love U". The strat is the latest in a series of truly dismal stringed instruments, from my first Woolworth lead guitar (1972, strings made of cheesewire) to a £4 flamenco guitar (1976) with such a warped neck that I had to screw a bit of veg box to the body to make is slightly flatter. Next was a mandolin (£12, 1984) that simply could not be tuned, at all, and then a bit of a gap until my ebuyer.com classic 3/4 size black strat, (£60 including amp, tuner and strings adapted from fencing materials). Interestingly the guitar came from China, but arrived in the post with its box opened - its such low quality, no-one could be bothered to steal it.

Its interesting having an instrument that

A: stays in tune for more than 2 minutes and

B: notes beyond the 5th fret can be played.

I've always treated my guitar playing as a bit of a joke really, but now there's no excuse. I'll be using previously impossible chords such as Bmin and A7, which were beyond me. So watch this space, as a future guitar virtuoso blossoms. Thrill as I develop stunning solos, amazing glissandos and fasp at scorching fretwork. I'll be starting after next week, though, as I've got some work in the garden to finish.

It been agreed.  We're now going to not get distracted and  concentrate on our next work. A 10 song  musical about London, with a number of sub themes.: LDN: the musical. This  demanding piece of music will probably take up all our time  for the coming months, and we have vowed to not get distracted during its genesis.

New songs up on the juke are Blue Spires ( a lament) and Heavy Bells  (neither from  the Musical).

We lost the website over the weekend and only managed to get back online by changing the basic look. We hope you like it. Thanks to all the guys at MrSite for prompt technical assistance - they'll be receiving an autographed version of 'Green Christmas', that's for sure. It's hard to estimate just how many hits we missed during the 24 hour period, but it could be anywhere up to 5. But 'Chop' fans being what they are, we feel sure they'll be back. So this got us thinking, should we change the design of the site every month  ? Maybe we could open up a competition for you to suggest how it should look, the prize being a candle lit dinner for two with our Euro chick, Astrid. We'll look into the cost of opening a premium rate phone line shortly, ignore the results and send her mother instead if you threaten legal action.

There was a student drinking game called "Drink along with Dallas" that has inspired what I think will be our next song, provisionally called "Grog Rock". What you do, is get whiskey, gin vodka and beer together and everytime a character pours a drink in the episode, you have to drink what they are drinking. If they pour another drink, you finish yours and pour another.

Neil pointed out that most of our stuff is written and played late at night at the weekend, when it's possible  we may have had a few drinks. Personally I tend to play and write our stuff or contribute to Neil's songs after my wife has gone to bed, as she says the guitar playing and singing irritates her. I had to record American pies in the downstairs loo, so she couldn't hear me sing.

Often I'll crack open a tin before I start. Neil sent an email saying he'd had 4 beers and a whiskey before he started one track, so we're going to write a song you can drink along to. Please post suggestions as to any drinks combinations you'd like featured, along with a possible rhyme. Any liver busting combinations considered.

Here's an example:

Four beers and a whisky
Drunk late at night
Helps my midnight mixing
Come out alright

So you get the idea.

 

As a guide for aspiring musicians, I've put up a really rough demo of a new track so you can get a gimpse into  our creative process.

I've put up a  rough song: "Midlife Crisis" on the jukebox as a very rough demo. now normally, no one would get to hear something so unfinished, as it has no tune, very basic rhythm and some really terrible singing.  . . .
Normally, we'd wait until we had got a little further down the line.

Now from this unlikely beginning i guess Neil will probably create a complete rhythm track, with middle eight and suggest a better tune to some of the dodgier bits. He'll post this up later in the week, possibly with a different chord structure, words, idea and theme.

I'll then add some trademark slinky bass, so simple guitar and the souffle is complete. Another ROLC song off the production line at the factory - destined for, who knows? Input welcome on this track. but be quick, we'll have it finished by Satuday morning, probably.

In a blank moment while waiting for inspiration to strike I printed out  the manual to the version of GarageBank my mac was shipped with and had a quick look at it.  I got to page 8, loaded it and got going. Voila! 20 minutes later I had created a truly nasy funk workout, slappy bass, tinny horns, plinky keyboards the lot.

And . . . .. ?

It was a horrrible experience, about exciting as building an xcell spreadsheet comparing the prices of organic bacon in Worcestershire.

Thank goodness, I dont have to resort to this kinda nonsense, while my bandmate Neil is around. His amazing arpeggios, fantastic keyboard technique bring a unique extra dimension to our stuff.

Anyway, I'm posting up the finished track "Slack funk workout" as a warning to other musicians - stay away from this truly nasty piece of software. Keep music live (if possible).

By the way "Slack funk workout" is copyright Ian middleton 2007, and is in no way part of the Reflections on logchopping oevre, should anyone want it for car commercials or some kinda cop chase.

Feeling depressed about the band coming so close to splitting up, I treated myself to new Bose headphones. To test them out, I put the Ipod on 'Shuffle all songs' and what should come up first but 'Alchemy'. What was merely an OK song when Ian sent it to me (and subsequently elevated to pretty damned hot after I added to it) was actually incredible all along. Man, can that dude sing ! If I wasn't in a band with Ian already, I'd been preparing that invite now. And then it got me starting to think exactly what comprised the 'legendary Bengeo sound'. Here it is :- boosted mid range, subtle but knowingly ironic lyrics and highly discrete cowbell on alternating choruses. ROLC is here to stay !   

OK,  its finally happened. the latest track Columbus, now on the juke box uses both black notes and white notes, so Ian had to apologise for my last post. Guess his fear of sharps and flats has been overcome.

Counselling maybe? Some kinda therapy? Watch this space.

Anyway, "Columbus" now up on the MP3 player. Waddya think? More sharps and flats in future, or just stick with the white notes as usual?

On one of the rare occasions that I've been forced to share a studio with Neil, I noticed that he'll only use the white notes on his keyboard or only the black ones. Never the both in the same piece. Some kind of cultural statement perhaps or is that some people in the band just aren't good enough at playing the keyboards ?

Final version of my new song Alchemy now up, and its a triumph!  Neil's contribution was minimal as usual, so I haven't incldued him on the publishing credits, and took him down in the mix.

Just as Pink Floyd are known as "The Floyd" and "Magnum" are known as (within certain very tight knit circles) "The Num", I've decided that Reflections on Log Chopping need a moniker that can be easily (and cheaply) printed on promotional t-shirts. I've settled on "The Chop". But no sooner than I've raised finance for the printing of 300 peaked baseball caps bearing such name (along with 'Into the Hive by Neil Wilson' on the reverse), than I hear from solicitors claiming to represent Ian. Will this be a show stopper ? I doubt it. Usually Ian can be persuaded to accept any decision that results in extra income, but let's wait and see !

Into the Hive is now finished.  One track of 15 awe inspiring minutes, with 5 subthemes is now on the jukebox. We're not charging for this piece as a thanks to our fans for sticking with us. Enjoy it.

Weirdly, Attack  of the Wasps, the final movement of Neil Wilson's masterful: INTO THE HIVE, an epic journey, etc etc etc ended up funkier  (slap bass back from the 80s!)  and rockier than anyone anticipated. Watch this space to see how the rest of it turns out.

For the first time in 15 years, Ian & I perform live together at an outdoor festival in the Hertford area . The great weather and the even better crowd (not shown) made it a dream gig. Technical issues only permitted us to record one song for posterity but we hope you enjoy the results on YouTube. For techno fiends, the headphones are Sennheiser PX200's, the lead is a Maplin DRG 20j  and the underpants are by Marks & Spencers (waist 33 inch, cuffed gusset, sky blue).

So while I'm now waiting for Ian to finish 'Alchemy' (which he started only while he was waiting for me to finish 'Into the Hive'), I've started demoing 'Seven Wonders of the World'. Check it out on the jukebox.

While I'm waiting for "Into the Hive" to appear I'm writing a new piece, "Alchemy" which will be a song about ..............

....... Heavy Metals.


My prediction is that this will continue the rock theme - the first three bits are based on extraordinarily heavy riffs. See us at the Metal Hammer Awards next year?

Update: Sketches for first movement and third movement now on the site. WIP means "Work in Progress"

 

Keyboard parts are now complete and it's over to Ian for lead & bass guitars. Sorry to Omnichord fans, but I couldn't work it into the piece.